The waiting is the hardest part. Here it is June 25th and I still have 9 days to go. I hate to wish my life away, but I wish I could get past the surgery. I want to be on the losing side of this battle (weight, that is)! I also wish that this year was over and I was down to my goal. I want to be a size 12. That is my realistic goal. My wildest dream goal would be a size 9. I was always a size 9 in high school and both of my wedding gowns were a size 9. When I have dreams that I am in, I am that same size 9. I think my brain is a size 9. When I look in a mirror, I expect to see myself as a size 9 (and 18 years old). To see this (almost) 54 year old woman in a size 3X body, I shudder. I have a double take to make sure that is me in the mirror. Who is that old, fat woman. Oh yeah. Me. Ick.

Yesterday, for some reason was a really bad eating day. I started out right, with a protein shake. Then I had a potluck luncheon for Thirsty Thursday. I made egg rolls. I tasted the filling as I went to make sure that they were going to be good. Then for lunch I had two egg rolls and a couple of helpings of salads. On the way home, I ate another egg roll. I came home and made a peach cobbler, telling myself that the peaches had been in the cupboard far too long and they needed used up. For supper, I had another egg roll, some fried rice (made from leftover filling), and some peach cobbler. I had more peach cobbler before I went to bed. I felt like I was eating all day. I told Paul that I was saying good-bye to some old friends that I won't be able to eat anymore after the surgery.

I guess that isn't totally true. I can eat one ounce of whatever I want with my three ounces of protein. I laugh when I picture a 9x12 inch baking dish full of peach cobbler with one ounce taken out of it. Maybe I should get some ice cube trays and measure out 1 ounce portions and freeze it...